i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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