I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
