Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
