I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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