His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
