his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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