i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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