brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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