That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
