It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
