The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
