I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
