He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
