I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
