I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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