I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
