It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
