dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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