just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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