I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
