sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
