So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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