So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
