12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
