good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
