Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
