i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Even my vagina gasped.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
