But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
