He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
