I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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