its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
