Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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