this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
