FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
