like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
