i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
