In the future we'll all be gay
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
