He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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