new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
