Already got asked if we're dating
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
