i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
