I faked an abortion last night.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
