I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
