failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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