in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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