Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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