We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
