Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
