In the future we'll all be gay
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
