I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
