i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
