I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
